↑ Last time.
Time for another story about the songs from the NEEDY anime.
This time, it's Michica.
Michica Gokubara.
Every now and then, I see her full name written out and think to myself how absurdly intense those kanji still are.
There wasn't really anywhere to write down her backstory, so I might as well do it here. The stage name "Michica Gokubara" was something she came up with back in middle school. It's exactly the kind of thing a middle-schooler would think was cool. But somehow, it really was the coolest thing. More importantly, she's lived in a way that gave that name dignity. Long enough that fans don't even find it strange anymore.
She smashed a classroom window and disappeared in middle school. The news spread. Then people spotted the same girl casually walking around town in full Lolita fashion. Social media took notice. From there, she started calling herself "Gokubara Michika" on TikTok and Instagram and quickly became an influencer."Michica" is her real name, though of course the kanji are different.
She became the runaway daughter everyone online talked about. Night after night, she'd cut her wrists and spend evenings suppressing her tremors with psychiatric medication. Somewhere along the way she met Nechika, who had lived a similar life. The two young girls, both with nowhere to go, leaned on each other and somehow kept going. Then Lollipop appeared. That was the flow of things.
A lot of her legends came from impulsive acts. Breaking windows. Wandering around in dresses. Drifting through the city in a dreamlike haze from medication. Everything she did became mythologized. Fans kept increasing. Eventually, the pressure of being unable to turn back only made the red streaks across her pale skin appear more often at night. She's had it rough too.
After Karamazov formed, she gradually learned more about dealing with people. But even then, when I wrote the lyrics, I pictured Michica during her middle school years.
Unlike Lollipop, her way of life was already complete.
Anyway, let's look at the lyrics to “The Rose-Blooming Wrist.”
The scars you left me with（あなたと つけた傷が）
Call out my name（わたしの 名前呼んで）
Whispering that you'll reach your end（あなたに終わる予感を告げた）
This miserable, withered body（惨めに 痩せた肢体（からだ））
Those lips saying "No, stop"（くちびる イヤよやめて）
I escaped dull pain with a blade（刃で 鈍い痛みに逃げた）
A inverted cross. LaLa Lolita.（十字架 逆さま LaLa ロリータ）
That's basically the upbringing I described above.
Honestly, whenever I write Michica's dialogue or lyrics, the words come naturally. So naturally that there's not much to talk about. The Inverted cross was the mark of Judas she gave to Lollipop. If we're talking about things Michica's done, that's probably the most rockstar thing about her. A treasoner, after all.
Shiina-san is an experienced idol singer, so the moment she started singing, the atmosphere became sharp and dignified. It surprised me. There was hardly any direction from my side. She simply ran through it all like a professional. That's what I remember most.
Ah, the blooming rose. The torn womb.（ああ 咲いた薔薇が 裂けた胎が）
Spitting out crimson jewels.（紅い宝石を吐いた）
Reincarnation turns. The present melts.（巡る来世 融ける現世）
Prayer. Pills. Wrists. Pain. Curse. Vow. Selah.（祈り クスリ 手首 痛み 呪い 契り Selah）
At last the flower bloomed. At last it split apart.（やっと咲けた 華が裂けた）
It spat out diseased petals.（病める花びらを吐いた）
Sleep deeply. Sleep forever.（深く眠れ 永遠に眠れ）
Sleep within the darkness of the coffin.（棺の闇で眠れ）
If I had to point something out, it'd be how much I appreciated Haraguchi-san and Helfen-san for perfectly capturing the mood of the song. As for me, the only thing I really struggled with was how to make that barrage of words in the chorus ride the rhythm pleasantly. It's good, isn't it?
If I split open my own stomach, I'd want jewels and flowers to come spilling out too.
Even the reason I obsessively cut body fat and train, or why I wear piercings and clothes that cover more skin, is because I want to reduce the amount of contact between myself and this unpleasant reality. If I were a woman, I'd want to wrap myself in a pitch-black dress so the air of reality couldn't touch me. And honestly, I'd like to sleep inside a coffin every night. Taking sleeping pills and blacking out isn't all that different, as a situation, from dying.
An ugly face.（醜い顔と）
Pitiful cheeks.（哀れな頬で）
Pale skin.（白い肌）
Trembling fingers.（震える指）
La la, lalalala...（らら ららららら）
Like my beloved papa.（愛しいパパのように）
Ribbons. Skirts. Secret nights.（リボン スカート 秘密の夜に）
Like many girls her age, she fought with her mother all the time. But she never really hated her father. That little bit of normalcy peeks through. She's such a selfish daughter that her father never knew what to do except fuss over her and spoil her. Well, she is cute. Her mother, meanwhile, worries about Michika's life like any ordinary parent and constantly scolds her. Sometimes she watches her daughter's success through a screen and yells, "Just come home already."
That was Michica Gokubara.
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